just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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