I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
