if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
