so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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