i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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