i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
