I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
