Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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