i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
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