So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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