idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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