I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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