drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My bed smells like the plague
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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