i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I wear drunk well.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
