Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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