Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Welp...herpes.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
And then he peed in my hair
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