just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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