Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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