I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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