you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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