soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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