How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
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i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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