I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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