dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Come see our sink grown plant.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
