I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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