it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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