i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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