I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
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you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
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And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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