sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
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I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
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He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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