Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
