fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
