These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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