I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
