Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
