He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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