I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
