so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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