I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
