omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
it's like iHOP with fire
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
