Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
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When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
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She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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