Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
