my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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