Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
