Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
