hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
