just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
