Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
