fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
