Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
