i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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