i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
