He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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