I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
