whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
