she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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