It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
