More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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