Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
i think my cat just said my name.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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