Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Come see our sink grown plant.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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