Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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