I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
