JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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