i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
