If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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