i think my tv is drunk
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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