i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
