so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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