a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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