So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
