so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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