you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
