He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
