I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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