The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
