dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
