I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
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